Rest in Peace Paul Grady 3


(Part 1 from 1. Fiction.)

Chapter 3: The bitter taste of Regret

"Boys!" My mom called out to us from outside my door, "Are you still alive in there? Surely you don't intend to sleep for the entire day." She said walking down stairs.

It was already 11:18am and we had not gone down for breakfast or left my bedroom at all. Paul was still sleeping but I had woken up hours before. I laid next to him for over two hours playing last nights events over in my head. I had actually made with the of my dreams :) or was it just sex.
I looked over at him sleeping so peacefully and so serene.

I thought about what would happen when he finally woke up. Would I kiss him or would I let him make the move. Would we act like a couple now or would we pretend as though nothing happened and continue as normal. Would he confess that he is and has always been gay and that he wanted just as badly to tell me or will he deny it all. All these thoughts ran through my mind and it suddenly hit me how complicated things could get. I got out of bed because I didn't want the possible awkwardness of Paul waking up naked and next to me. I didn't know how he would react but in the back of my mind I guess I knew that he would remember last night and he would have to deal with it.

Paul woke to my mom yelling outside my door. I was wrapped in a towel and heading for the shower when I heard him say
"Good morning."
"Hey man, ah... amma shower and you can come after" I said trying to hide that I was nervous. I regretted it as soon as I closed the door behind me.

What if he wanted to shower with me or continue where we left of last night. Now I just went and made things awkward. Stupid! Stupid! stupid! I kicked myself. After a long and hot shower I came out to find Paul sitting in front of my desktop in nothing but his briefs.
I said nothing. Quietly I started moisturizing and selecting what to wear. Quietly he went in and took a shower.

"Oh boy" I thought to myself, this should not go like this. I loved him and what happened last night was not a mistake. I would not allow us to go on acting like it was. I picked a tailored pair of mint green chinos, an off-white Egyptian style shirt with white embroidery and brown scrappy gladiator sandals. As I admired my ensemble in front of the mirror Paul walked out, hot as ever with droplets of water glistening his body. Quietly he wore his short khaki shorts and muscle top with an exotic Aztec like print. I loved that look about him.

"Ok" I started.
"Are we gonna talk about last night"
"After some initial hesitation he looked up at me with a look of bewilderment and said,
"What's there to talk about? We had supper, played fifa for hours while drinking some strong booze, I am never letting you mix my drink for me again by the way" he added, "I think I passed out and slept through the night. What time did you sleep?" He asked seriously. I thought he was kidding but he genuinely acted as though nothing more happened.

"Paul I'm serious we actually need to talk about last night" I said more sternly "our friendship depends on it" I added.
"Nothing happened last night!" He stated matter of factly. He had an anger in his voice and a mean look on his face that I had never seen before.

"Guys I need a few things from the market, do you mind running out and grabbing them for me please". My mom was back at my door again. I went and opened up for her, getting the list, her debit card and the keys to the car.
"Ready?" I turned to Paul who was already right behind me. "Let's go" he mouthed to me.


The drive to the weekend market was silent and awkward as my heart sank at how things were progressing. Was Paul really going to keep this up? "No". I thought," this is it. This is my chance to come out and tell him how I feel, I have to".
"I Love you" I blurted out as the car stopped at the parking bay. I switched the car off and looked at him. He sat motionless in the passenger seat next to me avoiding any eye contact with me. Before I could say anything further he openned the door and stepped out the car.

He walked towards the market before I even finished locking the car and my heart broke as I watched him walk away.
We went around from stall to stall in desperate silence, the place was buzzing with excited shoppers and keen sellers. No amount of hawking and bargaining between the marketers could fill the silent vacuum between Paul and I. We found everything on the list and made our way to the car.

As I unlocked the car from the driver's door and Paul stood at the opposite side of the car, momentarily, we made eye contact.
"You are hurting me Paul" I said almost in tears
He opened the door and sat in. We sat quietly for a moment before I started the car, the tension in the car was so thick it almost had a separate life of it's own, a third passenger in the car. I started the car and drove in the opposite direction.

"Where are we going?" Paul finally asked, seeing that I was going in the opposite direction from home. I didn't respond.
I knew what I needed to do to get Paul to open up to me. To impress upon him how my feelings for him had been and how this situation was destroying me inside.
"What are we doing here. Tim?" He asked seeing as I was driving into the gate of our school.

"I need you to come with me, I said simply". Reluctantly he followed me to the main entrance which we discovered was locked. The security guard came to us and greeted me. He recognized Paul and allowed us in quickly.
I grabbed Paul by the hand and he tried to pull away. "It's ok." I reassured him.
"What are you doing"
"-shhh you'll see"
I took him into the Junior boys toilets. We had not been in there for years as juniors and seniors have different restrooms.

"Do you remember this place" I started
"The toilets." He stated, unamused.
"We met in here, I was a bloody mess and you helped me."
"Yeah" his face softed, "...and I vowed that I would always protect you" he said with emotion. It was working.

"Paul," I walked up to him. "I have loved you since that day in 2005. I never stopped loving you and everytime you saved me from the bullies and held me in your arms, I had the hope that maybe deep down you loved me too and wanted to be with me as badly as I wanted you. It hurt me when you started dating Amber and you two seemed so in love. When you told me on the night that you lost your virginity to her I almost died. I wanted to die. But last night..."

My vision was blurry as my eyes were filled with tears. "Last night was the night of my life and you can't take that away from me now Paul. I know how you feel about me too and you can't deny it. You are hurting me soo much and you are the one person who I never thought would cause me so much pain. You are supposed to love me" I couldn't hold the tears back even though my eyes were closed and I was trying not to show Paul more of my weakness.

As I lifted my hand to wipe off the tears, I had not expected what happened next. A hard blow to my cheek sent me flying across the room and into the door of one of the cubicles. Paul was much stronger than me and he had thrown this punch with such great force.
I was unconscious on the floor. Blood oozing out from my nose.

***

There it is guys, three chapters in one day. I hope you like where this is going, I am pretty dramatic but most of the facts are true to my life and I guess it's just how I write. Tell me what you think please. :) Cheers X0X0 I like to hear from other writers too :*

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